"When You're Not There Anymore"

2nd Chronicles 10.7-9a “The Message”

“They [the elders] said, ‘If you will be a servant to this people, be considerate of their needs and respond with compassion, work things out with them, they'll end up doing anything for you.’

“But he [Rehoboam] rejected the counsel of the elders and asked the young men he'd grown up with who were now currying his favor, ‘What do you think?’ ”

After King Solomon died, his young son Rehoboam became the new king of Israel. Unfortunately Solomon did not prepare the boy for weighty regal responsibility. When faced with a difficult question, Rehoboam forsook the counsel of his elders and followed the advice of the bad boys “he’d grown up with.” He asked the right question of the wrong people, “What do you think?” These young men were in no position to advise a king. Rehoboam’s foolish decision to hear and heed the counsel of his buddies spelled disaster and the end of the Israel’s political and military dominance in the middle east.

All young people pass through phases and wise parents assist in their transitions. Solomon was too busy with his “seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines” (1st Kings 11.3) to pay close attention to Rehoboam. Solomon’s son adopted his identity from the wrong crowd. A boy thrust into a position of authority without a proper role model is a setup for big failure with serious consequences.

Almost every day, my young children entered a new phase on their journey toward adulthood. I can only imagine how damaging it would be to our children if my wife and I failed to notice and celebrate each of these small rites of passage…

• staying dry all night long
• opening a first savings account
• saying good-bye to training wheels
• losing his last baby tooth
• writing her name in cursive
• graduating from first grade
• obtaining his first library card
• performing her first piano recital
• middle school (need I say more?)
• obtaining a driver’s license
• high school
• getting a part-time job
• going on a first date
• college
• marriage
• and now, kids of their own

Becoming a real man or a woman is not something that happens on the twenty-first birthday. It’s a gradual process beginning with the celebration of each milestone in a child’s life by loving parents, supportive family, and other important authority figures.

Consistent recognition of your son or daughter’s small achievements through the years will prepare them to make good decisions for themselves when you’re no longer there to help.