"Say Good-Bye"

Philemon 12-13a NAS

“I have sent him back to you in person, that is, sending my very heart, whom I wished to keep with me…”

Paul wrote to his close brother in Christ, Philemon, to appeal for leniency on behalf of a runaway slave. Onesimus became a follower of Jesus under the ministry of Paul and the two became such close friends that Paul referred to Onesimus as “my very heart.” With great personal anguish, Paul determined to send Onesimus back to Philemon. In so doing, Paul voluntarily broke his own heart to facilitate a reconciliation between two brothers of opposing social strata. 

Love is risky because it demands that we open our hearts to others around us. Relationships develop and enduring bonds of friendship are established. At some future point, God may call us to break our hearts and send away the precious objects of our love and devotion. This is exactly what Father God did with His own Son (John 3.16).

Love hurts. It’s not cheap. Saying good-bye is only easy if a deep union of love is never created. If you choose to love, prepare to suffer. Here are some good-bye’s that hurt me…

• The deaths of my dogs Suzie, Shalom, Sandy, Sally 1, and Sally 2. 
• Leaving the pastoral ministry to work on a failing marriage.
• The dissolution of my (first) marriage.
• Leaving Sunset Presbyterian Church.
• Witnessing my dad’s last breath at the hospice center.
• Sending my delinquent adolescent daughter to a foster care facility.
• Watching my seven children grow up.
• Seven children obtaining driver’s licenses.
• Saying good-bye to my mother and watching her die.  
• Six children leaving for college.
• Two daughters and two sons getting married.
• Two children divorced or separated from spouses I love. 
• One grown child in prison.
• Two grown child rejecting me as her father.
• The loss of my beautiful wife to cancer.  

In every case, love demanded I let go and say good-bye. Each time I wept. It hurt. It still does, if I let it. The precious people (and pets) of my past were meant to become united with my heart. As in the case of Jonathan whose soul “was knit with the soul of David” (1st Samuel 18.1 KJV), the fabric of my heart has become woven and unalterably intertwined with the people I have loved. Also, like David and Jonathan, or Paul and Onesimus, I cannot keep any of them. 

I found this in my journal on October 9th, 2014: 

“There is no one I love on earth more than my (second) wife Adonica. I was smitten when I first met her and am still ‘head over heels’ in love 18 1/2 years after we both said 'I do.' I have discovered in this closest of all possible earthly relationships the great joy of both being loved and of having my love received. I am in heaven. Someday I will be required to let go of this woman. I hope our good-bye will be many years in the future. Adonica came into my life as an angel, a gift from heaven, proof of God’s great love for me. I was Ebenezer Scrooge. I woke up from a bad dream and was given a second chance at life on the day I met this woman.” 

What I could not then know when I first penned these words, was that just twenty-two days later, Adonica would be diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. She lasted ten months, before I was forced to send my wounded heart with her back to Jesus at 12:14 p.m. on Sunday, August 30th, 2015. Adonica came to me as a gift from Jesus and He took her back just over seven years ago. “She came. We loved. She left.” [1] I shall forever treasure and deeply miss this amazing woman, but my confidence in a God who can mend my broken heart is greater than the depth of the pain I still feel, but with lessening intensity. 

Our good-bye was an event of inestimable pain. She was my heart. I now pray to my Father in heaven in the words of Paul to Philemon: 

“I have sent her back to You in person, that is,
sending my very heart, whom I wished to keep with me.”

Philemon 12-13a NAS

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The incredible acrylic painting at the top right is called "I Give You My Heart" and used by permission of artist S.M. Lein. Check out his graphics at http://www.artgonekra-z.com/index.html.

[1] How to Survive the Loss of a Love, Colgrove, Bloomfield, McWilliams, (c) 1976, 1991, adapted from poem on page 131 "You came. We loved. You left."